The local news rag, aptly named The Olympian, republished a story from the Associated Press wires this morning entitled “Report finds prison an answer to long life“.  However, we’re apparently admitting corpses to prison, so it seems like this may not be an answer after all.  The article states:

“Eight percent were murdered or killed themselves, 2 percent died of alcohol, drugs or accidental injuries, and 1 percent of the deaths could not be explained, the report said.

“The rest of the deaths – 89 percent – were due to medical reasons. Of those, two-thirds of inmates had the medical problem they died of before they were admitted to prison.” [emphasis mine]

Now, this sentence can actually be correctly read – I presume they meant that the rest of the deaths were attributable to previously existing medical problems – but as written, this is hilarious.  Someone ought to write a letter to the editor on how corpses can come back to haunt us and thus should be tried for their sins.  I suggest that perhaps the reality is that the maggots that feed off the corpse become guilty by association, so therefore, they need to be jailed.  Or perhaps the Thurston County Coroner just got tired of all the dead bodies.

It’s either that or we’ve discovered the fountain of youth – die and be imprisoned, live forever!